What you Need Before you get married
By: Christy Aloisio
June 26, 2017

When people are getting ready to get married, they can often take time to look at their relationship to see if there are any sticking points that may cause issues in the future. It seems easy for most to look at some big logistical issues to see if they are on the same page. They talk about if they want to have kids, where they want to live, and how to handle finances. Most of these are givens. Things we must know before we take that leap of faith. Often though what I think is missing in our thinking about the future, is what do we need to work on within us? Not what problems are going to arise in the relationship, but what issues or baggage are we bringing into this relationship (and trust me, everyone has some.)

So of course it is important to know that you and your partner want to live in the same city, but have you thought about how your jealousy is going to affect your relationship? It may seem minimal now, but be honest with how it has caused issues in past relationships or that you do feel it, but just have learned to keep it at bay. Do you struggle with rage and anger? Again, something that can be kept in check in the honeymoon or beginning stages of a relationship, but something that could come out later and have a pretty negative effect on the relationship. Have you had an affair in a previous relationship? Have you been able to dig deep into your own bag of issues to see why it happened and what pushed you to that choice? Maybe that previous relationship was not a good one, but again you must look in the mirror to discover why you chose that course of action instead of ending the relationship.

None of these are easy issues to examine. It is so much easier to blame a past partner or a past relationship for our behavior. The hard thing to do is to look in the mirror and realize there are things broken within us that caused us to pick that relationship to begin with, and to be jealous, angry, or to betray our partner. I push you to look at yourself way more than your relationship before you get married. Everyone has baggage, everyone has areas they struggle with. What are yours? Where did they come from? How can you improve them to create a healthy marriage in the future?