I heard the sweetest words I’ve heard spoken in a long time today – “Now I’m a friend of me.” This, coming from a client who was so lost when I first met them. They were so focused on the relationship and on their partner that they had no idea what their own needs and wants were. There was no ‘self’!
I remember those days myself. Once I was so focused on my relationship and on my spouse that I forgot who I was. With no ‘me’, I had to look to others to make me whole. For me to function day-to-day, I had to essentially suck the life out of everyone around me! This was extremely draining, particularly to those closest to me. I couldn’t find happiness unless they cooperated, and while they may have been on board with that early on, it gets old very quickly! As I pressed harder on them so I could exist, they pulled farther away from me. Ouch! That was painful!
The lesson learned in all of this is that I owe it to myself and to those around me to find out who I am and hang on to it! I had to learn how to be okay with me, to be comfortable in my own company, and to know what defined me. Once I accomplished that, I had to learn to stay in touch with who I am and to be true to myself, even in the presence of people that try to pull me back into the old patterns. I’ve got to tell you, that was HARD!! When you’ve survived that test, you don’t ever want to go back to the old, empty self! You have become a friend of ‘Me’! That friend will love you when someone else won’t, they will stand by you when your gut tells you you’re right while someone else tells you you’re wrong. That friend will keep watch on the perimeter and tell you when there’s a breech so that you can set boundaries to maintain the self.
I have witnessed the transformation of my client over the years from a shell of existence, to horrific pain in going through a separation, through learning to live alone and finding what brings them joy, to this moment of reporting ‘Now I’m A Friend of Me!’ I cannot begin to tell you how much joy it brings me to see a soul come back to life in this way. If you have lost your joy and become too dependent on others to make you happy, I suggest you look for a new friend. The best friend you could ever have is YOU!