Remember that band aid commercial, “I am stuck on band aids brand, cuz band aids stuck on me!” Perspectives can be sticky like band aids. The sticky habit of perspectives are inflexible and too predictable.
Have you ever been somewhere, traveled to a place where people do things differently. Speak differently? Maybe decorate their homes differently? I’ve traveled to a few countries where things are very different. Both with language, culture, and differences in religion. My perspective is usually, “Oh, that’s different. I wonder why they do this or that?” Sometimes I experience confusion and uncertainty, because I am simply unable to understand. What do the words perspective and vantage point mean? Have you said to someone, “you don’t understand what I’m saying?”
Language isn’t the only way we communicate. Body language, tone, and other information is sent out into the world and absorbed by all of us. We extrapolate and understand the information we recieve based on our perspective. Perspective is unique to each person even among people who do things or live very similarly. Perspective can even be different among family members. Perspective is how we, you and I, understand our world. Experiences and perspectives are not necessarily the same for couples or loved ones. I struggle just like anyone else does with traveling to a place where english is not the spoken language. I can feel lost and unsure. What I say is also not understandable to the person who doesn’t speak english. So together we are both lost!
There are a few books written that address the issues of communcation between couples. Like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, by John Gray. Also, How to Improve your Marriage without Communicating, by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, among others. And there are a ton more!
How we communicate is about us, as individuals. Your perspective is about how YOU experience life. A relationship has more than one person. So if your life experience is being spoken from you, it’s only based on your perspective. Have you ever wondered how you came to your perspective? Have you ever taken a look back at yourself to truly understand why, what, and how you developed your perspective?
Being able to look back is key. That’s your vantage point. Your vantage point is from where you sit. It’s looking in the mirror and saying “What does this mean for me?”
Gaining your vantage point isn’t something you do alone. It requires humility, openness, trust, and honesty with the world around you. Especially around your loved ones. So much can be communicated with or without a word.
Once you understand yourself, your vantage point, your relationship with yourself and others is no longer just about repeating the same old unmet needs or frustrations. Relationships become about doing for yourself and doing for the people you love. Open up your perspective by looking in the mirror. Whether to understand your vantage point or another person’s, both lead to a fuller life!
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