Roommate Marriage
By: Rachael
November 7, 2022

Do you feel like you are in a roommate marriage?  Wishing for the times when you were constantly thinking about that special person – while you were at work, classes, completing the chores of the day, and could not wait to see them once more? Remembering the feelings of butterflies in your stomach and not being able to get their face out of your head. You could not possibly think how they could do anything wrong. In your eyes they were perfect. It was the “honeymoon phase” and you could not have been more in love.

As time went on, you grew to cherish your special someone even more, but then they begin to ease down on their charm, and life began to get somewhat boring. Maybe you had been dating for a year or less, maybe years, or maybe you have been happily married for 20 plus years, but either way you notice you both are in a routine and before you know it, you feel like you are in a roommate marriage with your significant other. You stay up at night, wondering how it could have gotten to this place.

Well let me tell you, you are normal. You may not be feeling the close connection you once had with your significant other, and you are not okay settling only living as roommates. You miss the spark in his/her eyes when you would arrive home after a long day at work, seeing them so excited for you to be home. You miss feeling like there was a deeper connection, not just planning who will pick the children up tomorrow. You miss feeling as if they really did want to hear how your day went. You miss even going through the difficult times in life together but feeling as if you were not going it alone. Now you feel like you are the one driving the boat. You feel alone. Even sleeping beside your significant other each night feels empty.

Let me tell you once more, you are normal and there is hope to turn your roommate marriage back into something special. You can become closer to each other. Take one small step each day. Start with surprising them with an unexpected experience or gesture. Prepare a date night. Turn off the television, put away the phone, and have a real conversation over dinner tonight. Now it is not going to happen overnight, and it is not going to be easy, but if you and your significant other, want to connect, taking the first step together is moving in the right direction. A deeper connection can be present in your relationship, and the intimacy can continue to grow with each passing year, if you place their needs above yours. However, it only works if they are willing to do the same for you. Relationships take work and that is a beautiful thing.