The Best Definition of Marriage
By: Kathy
May 20, 2014

Marriage is supposed to feel good!  Or at least that’s what we all believe when we pursue a relationship.  Feeling good is certainly part of a relationship, but check out what I have found to be the best definition of marriage!

The best definition of marriage is when. . . 1) You are committed to being the best person you can be,  2) Your spouse is committed to being the best person they can be, and 3) You are both devoted to helping each other towards your goal.¹  Sounds good, right?  The problem is that becoming the best person you can be does not always feel good!  This is what trips us up!

When our partner is trying to point out something we need to work on to become a better person, we think they are trying to hurt us!  Now to be sure, our partner might be pointing out our shortcomings for their own personal reasons, but they are still telling us something about ourselves that we need to know!  They can see us from a perspective that we can’t see and we can’t fix something that we can’t even see!

Think about a relationship where you are both working hard to help each other mature and grow.  It means that both people have the other person’s best interest at heart.  If you know that your partner has your best interest in mind, doesn’t that feel comforting?  Doesn’t that feel like something you can trust?  I describe it like two warriors going to battle.  You and your partner have your armor on, going out to fight the battles of the world and with your backs together, you can conquer nearly anything!  It is so comforting to know that your partner is covering your back side, right?  So if someone comes at you when you aren’t looking, you are covered!

Sometimes, however, we are our own enemy!  Our partner can see that and, if we are humble and mature enough, we can see what they are trying to show us, and begin to work on it!  So I encourage people to ask themselves . . . What are your relationships and the experiences you’ve had in them, trying to teach you?  Maybe you need to learn . . .

  • To stand up for yourself?
  • That you aren’t the center of the universe?
  • How to love yourself?
  • That you have an anger problem.
  • How to relax and play?
  • That you have no control over anyone but yourself?
  • How to lower your standards and not let perfectionism rule your life?
  • That you have an addiction that you use to cope with life and that addiction is destroying your life?
  • How to be wrong sometimes?
  • How to let God into your life?
  • You are overly reliant on others for your basic self-esteem needs?
  • That material things will not fill that void in your soul?
  • That a guy or a girl will not fill that void in your soul?

Couples dedicated to these goals will continuously be asking themselves and their partner the hard questions.  It will stir up some discomfort, yes, but in the process, they will each gain fortitude, wisdom, and maturity.  They’re going to do some hard work , but they will have an awesome marriage!! 

¹The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly