The power of saying what we need in a relationship is absolutely vital to it’s success. Have you ever had a really bad day? A day where it seemed like nothing went the way it should? Then when you get home, all you want is to be embraced by your partner, but instead, you come home to dirty dishes and unfolded laundry? That is when the mind-reading begins: “He should be able to tell I have had a bad day because of the way I’m acting.” “She doesn’t care about my feelings.” “He doesn’t understand.” “She knew I was on my way home, why didn’t she make an effort to clean up?”
You’re tired, cranky, hungry, irritated. You then start to feel the anger begin to take over your body and you are ready to argue, but, do you really want to argue? Will starting a fight make your day better? Instead of blowing up, lashing out, or making your problem their problem…take a step back. Take a breath. Ask yourself what you really need. . . .
Do you need validation? Someone to tell you it’s reasonable to feel the way you feel?
Or maybe you need attention. Just a little extra TLC.
Perhaps you need someone to tell me that it’s going to be okay.
Or you need your partner to be angry at what you’re angry at.
Maybe you need your partner to hear you.
Or maybe you just need to feel loved.
Express your needs. Ask for help. Take an emotional risk. Of course, it is easier said than done. And you may not know exactly what you need in the moment and that’s okay too.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to ask for what you need will make a difference. You’re giving your partner a chance to make you feel heard, worthy and understood. Saying what you need will have a positive impact on your relationship.