There is a common thread amongst most of the women that I speak to. Some of you may hear it and disagree, but I challenge you to dig deep into the recesses of your soul and see if maybe the shoe fits. I think most all women secretly long to be taken care of.
Think about it. We are natural caretakers. We are programmed, biologically, to bear, birth, feed, nurture, and care for our children, but those qualities don’t stop there. Most of us honestly feel empathy for anyone who is in need. Oh sure, our culture adds and subtracts from what God instilled in our DNA, but for the most part, we can’t deny that this is true for many women. So we rock our babies, have concern for our husbands, our siblings, our parents, our neighbors, perfect strangers, our pets, stranger’s pets, stranger’s kids, etc. Today’s women can have a family, career, home, leap tall buildings in a single bound, etc., but it comes at a price. We are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually spent and we are longing for someone to take care of us!
So what is the message here?
One: Men, acknowledge that the women in your life work hard to take care of you and everyone else around you and they need you to sometimes acknowledge that and invest something back into them. Give her what it is that she needs, not what you need!
Two: Women, acknowledge that you both want and need to be taken care of. You most likely stink at taking good care of yourself and when someone else offers to take care of you, you probably feel guilty and refuse it! Learn what fills your tank and learn to accept other people’s offers to take care of you!
Three: Women, you have to be able to define what “taking care of you” looks like. We associate being taken care of with a feeling, not an action. When someone’s action doesn’t create the feeling we are looking for, we are disappointed and dejected. We hang our heads and sigh, believing that we are the only one that is interested in taking care of us. The people around us are going to have a hard time taking care of us when we don’t even know what we want and need!
Four: Women, if you hear nothing else, please hear this: you need to learn how to invest some of your own masterful caretaking talents on yourself! Sitting and waiting for someone else to do it will not cut it! I realize it does not match the romantic ideals that you grew up with, but you simply must learn how to treat yourself well! Sometimes this involves buying yourself flowers or taking a bubble bath. Sometimes it involves saying no and allowing someone to be disappointed so that you can spend some time recharging yourself. Regardless what it looks like, it is absolutely necessary and your ability to take care of others depends on it!
Ladies, I encourage you to explore this area in yourself. If it fits, have the courage to admit to it and change it so you can finally get your needs met. Guys, I challenge you to ask the lady in your life how she feels about this. It might just be the key to getting more of what you want in the relationship, too!