What Your Relationship Can’t Survive Without
By: Kathy
January 20, 2013

There is one thing, I have discovered, that your relationship can’t survive without.  Its opposite will cause difficulty in your relationship or kill it altogether.  What is it that your relationship can’t survive without?  Humility.

Humility is like air to a relationship.  It keeps it strong and healthy and vibrant when there is a consistent flow.  I have seen humility breathe life into relationships when they were ready to be pronounced dead.  I have a quote on the wall in my office that says, “There is no substitute for humility in recovery.”  I firmly believe that!

Pride, on the other hand, causes great difficulty in a relationship.  When one person is prideful and the other is humble, the relationship will gimp along.  It will be difficult and painful and filled with conflict.  When both people are prideful, it is an all out war.  Love is not prideful – it says so right in the bible, and most of us read about it at our wedding ceremonies.  “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor.  13:4-7) What is the one thing missing from these sentences?  Pride.  None.  Not a speck.

When both people have humility (absence of pride) they will pull together like magnets – there is an attraction there.  I can remember once having a conflict with my husband where I felt very angry and it seemed we were going nowhere in our argument.  At one point, however, he said something very humble about himself.  Suddenly, with that sentence, my feelings changed from wanting to run away from him, to wanting to draw towards him.  As his pride grew, so did mine.  When his humility entered the picture, mine followed suit.  This interaction was years ago, but I still remember it because I was so struck by how my feelings could change that quickly.  That is the power of humility!

Pride, on the other hand,  is like two repelling magnets in a relationship.  If both people hold onto their pride, no matter how hard they try, the magnets cannot be pushed close enough together to make a solid connection.  It cannot be done.  There are lots of arguments and things never get resolved.  The things that don’t get resolved are a powerful force between the couple, preventing connection. It is only when one of them turns around and demonstrates humility that healing and connection can begin.  If the pride remains and neither person turns, a connection cannot be made and the relationship will most likely not survive.

Humility is where it’s at.  Your relationship can’t survive without it.  The very best relationships demonstrate a continual spirit of humility.  What is the level and consistency of humility in your relationship?