Everybody gets angry. It is a normal human emotion that we all have to deal with, but anger gets a bad rap. Most of us see it as a bad, destructive thing, but our anger is actually trying to tell us something! If we know what we are doing, understanding our anger can be a very productive thing in our lives! So what is your anger trying to tell you?
First, I want to encourage you to start recognizing when it first begins forming. Maybe the signals are that you clam up, storm out of the room, attack/yell at others, get snippy or snarky, clench your fists or your teeth. Whatever the signs are, pay attention and try to recognize it as soon as it comes up. That will give you much greater control over it.
Secondly, I want to encourage you to sit with it for a minute (or a day, if possible) before you do anything with your anger. Unfortunately, most of us feel the anger and are attempting to resolve our anger through someone else before we even know what’s happening. This is rarely productive. You miss an opportunity to learn a great deal about yourself and how to communicate with others if you bypass trying to understand what your anger is really about.
Third, try to find out what is at the root of your anger. Look at it like a big storm cloud made up of a bunch of other emotions. You may be feeling. . .
- Hurt
- Scared
- Anxious
- Lack of Control
- Judged or Put Down
- Left out
- Disrespected
- Unloved
- Unwanted
- Unimportant
. . . or any other variety of emotions. Once you figure out what is at the root of your anger, you will better be able to communicate to others what you are feeling and the conversations will go so much more smoothly!
Fourth, you may know that you feel put down, for example, but be careful not to put all of that on someone else. We also have to explore whether or not one of our issues is being triggered. Were they really putting us down? Or did they say something innocently that triggered our shame, for example? One way to find out is to ask them.
Do you see why understanding what is really going on inside of you is so important? If I don’t explore my anger in that example, then I may just blast someone for putting me down, when in fact, they weren’t. It was really just my issue being triggered and I lashed out at someone else because of my perception! That’s going to cause a lot of turmoil in my relationships and eventually people might not want to be around me for fear of getting yelled out whenever my issues get triggered!
If you want a happy and healthy life, try to get to the root of your anger. Understanding it will help you learn so much about yourself and might just take some tension out of your relationships!!
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