Working on Your Sense of Self
By: Christy Aloisio
August 8, 2017

Working-on-Your-Sense-of-Self I was reading a book recently and ran across a quote that really struck me, “When self-love depends on externals, on others’ opinions of what you are and do, the self is betrayed.” (Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb) This quote really resonated with me, because I see it in my office on almost a daily basis. The comparison trap is a real one and a painful one. It is about constant effort to try to gain admiration and respect from other’s through superficial sources such as material possessions or beauty.

When you are stuck in the comparison trap your life becomes all about what you think other’s will see as good or impressive. You put yourself in a dire financial position to buy the car that you think other people will envy and desire. You starve yourself to be skinny enough so that people will see you as attractive. You stay in a miserable marriage because looking like a failure to the community by getting a divorce is just too much to handle.

Your-Sense-of-SelfWhat this creates is a lack of sense of self. Your life isn’t about you anymore. Most people get stuck in this trap because they have a deep rooted need for love and approval that is a deep void they cannot fill. The sad side effect is the comparison trap actually only adds to this void. It does not fill the void; it only deepens it. The only way to fill the need for love and approval comes from within. From listening to your needs, being connected with your authentic self, and loving yourself. Living life to impress others creates a life of self-abandonment. Your true needs go unmet, overshadowed by the need for false admiration from others.

Public service announcement: Love yourself! Live for you. I see so much pain, hurt, financial issues, relationship struggles, depression, anxiety, and so many other negatives coming from a place of ignoring and abandoning yourself. It is time to listen to the person who knows you best, you. Maybe no one will be impressed with the car you are driving, but living with financial stability brings you peace. Listen to your body that wants to be healthy and taken care of. Your needs are important! Self-love will bring you more peace, joy, and healthier relationships.