What does your internal critical voice say about you? What do you hear? If you listen, you might hear an overly critical voice. What is an inner critical voice? A critical voice can say, “I can’t do that!” A shame based sense of self means being motivated by what you see as your flaws, not your strengths. Consistent shame allows you to see only a small part of yourself, not the whole you. Not knowing your worth, in its entirety, leaves you blind to larger parts of life. Shame can steal a life you don’t even know exists.
Shame is silent, but deadly. Shame creates doubt, negative self-talk, and lack of trust in the universe. Buying into shame is like believing in the boogie man. The more you believe, the stronger shame becomes, lying dormant in the closet or under the bed. It’s always there, lurking….some days never coming out, but you know it’s there. Other days it reveals itself and steals your sense of security, your joy. Shame is not the same as healthy guilt. Shame is as helpful as unending worry.
Both past and present shame can bind you for a lifetime of low self-esteem, feeling not good enough, becoming overwhelmed by a need to control, becoming addicted, etc. Truth is lost on shame. Shame does not always tell the truth. Shame survives as long as negative distortions are believed. Shame lives for the purpose to be shaming! To negate. Now there is healthy guilt and criticism, which helps people remain responsible and conscientious. It ‘s okay to recognize our flaws and weaknesses. But if you are feeling unmotivated, crippled that you are not living to your true potential, then negative self talk and being overly critical of others will push you down further and hurt your relationship with others.
By the time we become adults, we have created detours and work arounds to avoid or numb out such feelings instead of addressing internal negativity to resolve it. The only way around unhealthy shame is right through it. Acknowledgement, awareness, the desire to change, and the willingness to be who you wish to be.