Blame Is Ugly The Blame Game is a trap to keep you in a lower position in life. Blaming says, “there’s nothing I can do about how I feel or respond to this scenario. I have no control, so I’m a victim.” It also perpetuates the “she or he is… [Read More]
Applying the Love Languages
Most clients I have met have heard of The Five Love Languages (by Dr. Gary Chapman), and many even know their own preferences. That being said, some struggle to apply this knowledge in day to day life. It is common for us to tend toward caring for others in the… [Read More]
Hailstorm vs. Turtle
The Hailstorm vs. Turtle is an analogy created by Harville Hendrix to explain some of the very different ways a couple can behave and react within a relationship. Considering all the ways two people in a couple can be so very different, it often looks like the result of a divine… [Read More]
Overcoming Defensiveness
Defensiveness: When individuals feel attacked or misunderstood they often act out in ways to protect themselves. Many individuals get defensive when they are feeling criticized or blamed. When we get defensive we essentially take that blame and put it on the other person. A Better Understanding of Defensiveness: I… [Read More]
What do you mean by that?
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone smiled, acted polite, and used all of the politically correct phrasing… but something just felt off? Or have you ever said yes to someone’s request, when you really wanted to say, “no”? Intention – the driving force behind what we say,… [Read More]
Cruelty Masked As Honesty
Has this ever happened to you? Someone offered “helpful advice” that felt like an insult? An employer gives you a performance evaluation, but you left feeling like they want you to be a different person? Someone made a cutting remark, was critical, or insulted you, etc. Then, it’s immediately followed… [Read More]
The Pain Of Projection
I recently got a vivid reminder of the power – and pain – of projection. Projection is when you project your worst beliefs or fears about yourself onto someone else and believe that the other person actually feels that way. Think of a slide projector – if the slide in… [Read More]
The Valley Of The Shadow
Folks come to my office asking for counsel on all kinds of things. Anger issues, help with communication, depression, anxiety, marital problems, trauma or addiction recovery…the list goes on and on. When it really comes down to it though, everyone who sits on my couch really wants one thing: to… [Read More]
Violent Communication
Do you use violent ways to communicate? I don’t mean physically hurting someone (although we certainly don’t want that, either!) What I’m talking about are ways that we communicate that stop the conversation from moving forward and get us off track when a disagreement arises. Violent communication are words and… [Read More]
If I Could Give Each Person Just One Gift
If I could give each person just one gift, it would be the gift of being able to truly see themselves through the eyes of the people around them. It would be a sobering gift, for sure. And it would require a great deal of humility and stabilizing self-talk to… [Read More]
